pondering

This week has been one of the absolute worst weeks ever... shall I tell you this long tale?

Well, it began on Tuesday early morning. It began with trainings... normally trainings will leave you feeling encouraged & skilled at a higher level in your position. I left feeling depressed & quite the same I was when I entered. Quite frustrating. irritating, and a total waste of my time.

That morning I also found out that my wonderful boss had her baby. New life is such a beautiful thing. I know that I will be so happy while I am pregnant (after being married of course) that I will cry the whole time. Having life within you is a huge thing to me. I know that if we are following Christ he lives within us, but having a child inside of you, that you helped create is unexplainable to me. Along with little Noah being born means Cristina will be on her maternity leave and we will be without the woman who hold so much information in her head that we don't always know about. Cristina is plainly amazing and is so smart. It is hard to fully understand what hole a person fills until they are no longer there to fill it. Needless to say, I miss Cristina.

Well, after our worthless trainings I was in a huge need of a coffee. All of your joy is swept away & you need a fake replacement. Hit me up caffeine. Got an iced hazelnut coffee from McDonalds. Didn't really help matters. Anything that could go wrong basically did. It went from a 4th grade boy slapping & stepping on 1 grade girls to two 3rd grade boys getting into a real physical fight to biting and the list could go on! It was then that my mind went numb and could no longer think, feel, or display joy. I ended up making it through the day and reloaded with a dear friend.

Wednesday rolls around and it was somewhat worse or an addition to Tuesday. Everything seemed to have went wrong. I had nothing left to give. I was EMPTY. And yet I still had Girls Who P.U.S.H. small group that I didn't end up going to. It was a horrible week. Thursday brought on some positivity with the End of School Year party and all, but the big refiller came during a video on the internet. It was telling me about the healing services/revival that is going on at the IHOP in Missouri. At the end of the video they prayed for people watching the video and I honestly had an encounter with the Holy Spirit. Just what I needed. He filled me up. I believe that I had a great day because of that very moment.

Everything in my life needs to decrease and the Lord needs to increase more and more. I am in such a need for Christ in my life and I know that I cannot survive without him. I am such a dweeb sometimes because I get so busy with everything else that I leave my heart's needs on the side. All I can say is I am at the point where I CANNOT wait for the fall. I know what is ahead of me and I want to be there now. My relationship with the Lord is going to be at a different place, intimate. Take me there.

(Link to the IHOP video:
http://cmp.ihop.tv/3single.php?pid=XeKz___RkKAa76mknmB8_FX4opXQQgpN)